Beautiful Strangers (The Masquerade Series) Page 3

  How would I shoot a music video with this guy after being so intimate with him? What did I get myself into? Jaxson leads me back to my bed and tucks me in.

  “You don’t have to leave,” I say, “but no pressure for you to stay either.” I let out a yawn.

  “Yawning is very contagious you know. And as much as I hate to, wham bam thank you mam, I really need to go, but I will see you soon.” He looks to the photo of me and Jojo on my dresser with a hint of sorrow. He kisses my cheek and as he turns to leave I whisper, “Jax I had really great time.”

  “Me too lover,” he whispers back. I don’t think I even heard the door shut, and for the first time I slept a good full eight hours.

  Cravings….

  I think I could have slept longer if I hadn’t been awakened with stomach cramps and cold sweats. I hated doing speed before breakfast but I don’t want to be sick either. Damn, that was the last of it too. Looks like I will be seeing Evan sooner than I thought I would.

  I texted Evan and asked if he was able to meet soon, and of course he was all too eager. I really need to change that. Today we will finally have the talk I have been putting off the past six months since I left him.

  When I found out who he was I never confronted him. I simply packed my Jetta full and crashed with Jocelyn until I found this place. I didn’t dare tell anyone the secrets I had found out about him, not even Jocelyn.

  I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted. We had been together almost two years, and he never let on to having any knowledge of my family. But looking back it all makes sense. Why he never could attend my family dinners or he always had to work if my dad was coming to visit.

  Everything we shared was a lie. He seduced me and turned me into a drug whore, all because my father had an affair with his mother. Okay, so the drugs are my fault. I could have said no. I should have been strong enough to say no. But I was nineteen and Evan was my first real anything or so I thought.

  I gave up on my dream of becoming a writer and I left college to be with him. But it all stops today. Jaxson Hayes may never call after we shoot his video but this is it for me. I don’t want to die young and a drug addict. I will make a big buy and slowly wean myself off this shit. How hard can it be?

  Jocelyn would be there for me, if I would clue her in but I have to do this on my own. I texted Evan back and told him how much speed I wanted.

  Evan: Damn Gracie, it may take me a few days to come up with that much, do you have that kind of cash?

  Me: Yes I do, and I need it today like in a couple of hours please.

  Evan: No promises but I will meet you @ our spot at noon

  Me: C-ya then.

  Chapter Four

  So long yesterday…..

  I dressed down, in jeans in a t-shirt. I don’t want Evan to think this a booty call as well. The nausea was already starting. I took some Dramamine hoping it would help and nibbled on some saltines. With an hour to go, I flipped on the TV and OMG, The Nashville Gawker was on (a small celebrity gossip show that airs celebrity sightings around Nashville) and there I was being led by Jaxson Hayes to his truck.

  Jocelyn would die if she saw this. Here’s pretty much what the reporter said:

  “A man rumored to be country super star Jaxson Hayes is seen here leading an unknown female to his truck after a night at hip local club Pandemonium.”

  Then they cut to a picture of Sadie Blake (princess of country music). “Wonder what this means for Nashville’s hottest duo?” the reporter grinned. Jaxson Hayes and Sadie Blake are a duo country group known as Blackened Sunrise.

  Then my phone started going off like crazy with Jocelyn texting me faster than I can read with WTF and OMG. I told her I would explain soon, but first I needed to meet Evan and I definitely need to speak to Jaxson. I don’t know what’s up with him and Princess Sadie, but I would not ruin anyone’s relationship. I may be a lot of things but I’m not that girl.

  Evan texted, he would be a few minutes late, which was good for me. Giving me a few more minutes to mentally prepare myself for what I needed to say to him. Saying goodbye is never easy. And I still don’t know if I have the courage to do so, but on the way over here I started thinking about Jaxson and how my life and my choices could hurt his career if it were to get out that I have a drug problem.

  Now it’s not just about me. Jax may never even want to see me again but I owed this to myself and to him even if I didn’t know why. The thought of him looking down on me really bothered me.

  Two Years Ago

  The August heat is burning down my back as I try to remove the last of my totes from the trunk of my black VW Jetta so I can finally finish moving into my dorm at Vanderbilt. I had hoped to have an apartment this year since I am a junior but my partner in crime Jocelyn bailed on me for her newest conquest. So here I am stuck back in the dormitory and on my own. I stack the last two totes on the bumper and close the trunk. Placing my keys on top of the totes, I turn around to head inside when I suddenly find myself bumping into a really cute guy.

  “Hey you know you have a flat tire right?” He asks pointing to my rear passenger side. I turn and look. Shit! Wouldn’t you know, he is right!

  “Damn it!” I grumble.

  “I can change it for you, if you have a spare,” he offers.

  “No, I don’t have a spare I removed it, so I could fit all of my crap into my trunk.”

  “Tell you what. I work in a repair shop. I can bring you a tire this evening and you can thank me with pizza and a beer. I won’t take no for an answer.” He grinned at me with the most sincere look on his face. Flashing me the sexiest pair of dimples I had ever laid eyes on.

  Damn, he just oozes sex and trouble. Two things I can’t resist.

  That was how I met Evan, a day that forever changed my life. I was working on my B.A. in English; I have always wanted to be a writer. My life was going perfect until Evan came into my life. I joked with him that the way we had met only happened in movies and maybe that should have been my first clue to run the other direction.

  But Evan was a total bad boy, and like most girls who burn for the wrong ones, I thought I could fix him.

  For a long time Evan was the perfect boyfriend, he connected with me on a level like no one ever had before. He was so supportive. He read every paper I had ever written. Hell, he even brought me flowers and candy on a regular basis.

  It wasn’t long before I moved out of my dorm and into his apartment. I almost thought he was the one. I was ready to marry him. Everything I had been working for was washed down the drain the moment he stopped to change my flat tire. We had hit it off instantly and I was spending every free moment with him.

  Things were moving hot, heavy, and fast between us. I was having trouble focusing at school and Evan suggested I take a diet pill to help me stay awake to study. A year and a half later I was consumed by my need for the rush I got from speed. Evan was too. Neither of us could hold down a job and we were desperate for cash to get our dope. A buddy of Evans told him he would give him some coke for a night with me.

  I never thought Evan would agree, and when he said he was okay with it I went along thinking he would stop it from happening but he didn’t. I stayed with him, even though I knew it was wrong. If he loved me he would never have let me be used like that, no matter what.

  After that night things started to slowly change between us. He began to grow very distant towards me. But that is what happens when you get on drugs and the life changes you, instead of you changing your life. Evan started dealing drugs so we could have easier access to them and we started partying hardcore. And I know I can’t place all the blame on him, but it is much easier than accepting my part in it all.

  My own guilt fuels my need for him and the drugs more and more, day by day.

  The following month I received a phone call from my father’s friend and partner in his law firm Mr. Slade, informing me that my father had passed away from a heart attack. I headed for North Carolina as soon as Slade wired m
e some cash.

  Truth be told….

  My parents had divorced right after I started college so I was all my dad had left. My mother wasn’t a bad mom. We just weren’t close like I was with my dad. When I met with Mr. Slade, he shocked me by telling me that my father was nearly broke, due to the fact that a few years prior to the divorce my father had a mistress. When he refused to leave my mother, she blackmailed him for cash not to expose the affair.

  My mom eventually found out when she supposedly discovered the checks my dad was signing over to some lady named Olivia Brown. Excuse me, what was her name? I remember asking him, hoping the name that came out of his mouth was wrong. Olivia Brown was the name of Evans mother.

  I’m not surprised Harry never told you, he had mentioned that Olivia’s son John had threatened to ruin you. I sat for what seemed like an eternity trying to wrap my head around everything I just heard.

  My world had been rocked hard. I left Mr. Slade’s office with my father’s ashes and my heart in my throat. Once I was back in my Jetta. I put it all together on my drive back to Nashville. My dad never knew that my boyfriend Evan was actually John Evan Brown.

  I had been played hard core. I moved out of our shitty apartment and crashed with Jocelyn. She was my roommate my freshmen year of college and my only friend other than Evan. She gave me a place to stay and got me my job at Masquerade. My mom tried reaching out to me when my dad passed but after the hurt of Evan, I only cared about one thing, drugs.

  This isn’t the life I would have chosen for myself, but here I am. I have been knocked down, let down, and put down, but it won’t always be like this. I should have put a stop to Evan the moment I found out who he truly was, but there is still a part of me that wishes Evan could be the man that I believed he was. Maybe that man is buried somewhere within him, but I just can’t get past all of the lies. I believed in him, in us, and he broke me.

  I began pacing and fidgeting, my nerves and withdrawal getting the best of me. I looked up and tried to pretend everything was cool when I heard the familiar sound of his Harley. Evan seemed to have a little pep in his step as he approached, too bad I was about to crush his good mood.

  “Hey Gracie,” he grinned giving me a small hug.

  “I got what you asked for, it wasn’t easy but I got it. I hate to take your money, but you are going to have to pay this time. I had to get half of this fronted.” He reaches me a baggie and a bottle.

  “I had to get you half diet pills and half coke. I saw you on those billboards. You looked so sexy,” waggling his eyebrows suggestively at me.

  “That’s not me.” I lied trying to laugh it off, “maybe I have a twin,” I suggested shrugging my shoulders. “Everyone has a doppelganger.”

  We made our exchange and I gave him the blow. I know he never felt coming.

  “Evan we need to talk and I don’t want you to speak until I get my say,” I firmly stated. He nodded in agreement.

  Taking deep breathes and closing my eyes, I knew if I looked at him I would lose my nerve. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid, just do it Grace.

  “I know I never gave you a real explanation for why I ended things between us, but I think you suspect why,” I said in a jumbled rush.

  “Grace-”

  “No I need to say this and your going to let me. When my father passed away I found out a lot of things about him and you. More than I wanted. I know what you did and part of me wants to feel bad for you and try to understand but I just can’t. What you did to me, well it was awful and if you ever loved me you would have never introduced me to this life and put me through all the sacrifices I have made to be with you, because I thought you loved me. I have sold myself to support both our habits. Hell I have even traded myself to you and I am so disgusted with you, with me.” I take a moment to control my emotions so I can continue.

  “This is not the life I want. I don’t ever want to see or hear from you again.” I practically rammed my finger into his chest.

  “Gracie let me explain. Please you don’t understand. I never meant for it to all go so far,” he pleaded.

  Waves of tears were crashing between the two of us and as much as I didn’t want to hear him out if I wanted closure I needed to. Hugging myself, I gave him his say.

  Seeing my resolve, he continued, “I did seek you out at first with every intention of using you and throwing you to the side just as your father done to my mother, but then I got to know you. You don’t know what my mom went through. She ended her life because of how he treated her. She wasted three years on Harry, waiting for him to leave your mother.” He pauses to light up a cigarette.

  “I confronted your father after I found my mother lying motionless on her kitchen floor surrounded by empty pill bottles. I wanted him to feel the way I felt when I found out I had lost her for good. Then I saw my chance. I saw your photos all over the place and the thought of revenge consumed me.”

  His hands are trembling as he takes another drawl of his cigarette. A cloud of smoke engulfs me, as if it is trying to fog my mind and my heart to his trespasses.

  “I guess it is safe to assume that’s why your parents split. Because of the affair your father had with my mother?”

  I cross my arms as the memories flood me. My parents divorce had come as a shock after twenty-five years, how my parents could just throw it all away.

  “I waited for months before I approached you. I wanted to be sure your father hadn’t warned you about me. I really do care for you Gracie. I thought about coming clean after the incident with Colin but then your father died. By then I was already in so deep, I didn’t have the guts to hurt you any further than I already had. I was being a coward”

  He took a step closer and tried to pull me into a hug, but I couldn’t allow him to comfort me, not now. Looking wounded he dropped his arms and continued.

  “ I wanted to do it just pull the trigger and get it all out there, but then you left and you never gave me a reason. I thought you left because of what went down at Colin’s. I was so dope sick, I didn’t care how I got my fix. I should have just been honest. Maybe things could have been different if I had?”

  He looks at me questioningly. I know he is yearning for me to say yes, that I would have appreciated his honesty. But the truth is it wouldn’t have mattered. The only thing the matters is that he is a fake and a liar.

  “Then you would call or text saying you needed me angel and I thought maybe you would come back. Then I would be able to come clean so we could start fresh and be a real couple. I know I was wrong, but I fell in love with you. I never meant to get hooked on the drugs. I turned into a real loser.” He gives me one last pleading look.

  “I thought once you left, I would be free from the lies and deceit. But you took care of me and I didn’t want lose you. You became so much more to me than I could have ever imagined and I thought we really could have something if I let us.”

  I try to calm my nerves. I even think of asking him for a cigarette. I don’t smoke but I am jonesing and anything will do right about now. Then again, I don’t want to accept anything else from him.

  “Can you forgive me?” He asked his voice hoarse and trembling. I stood there chewing my bottom lip and I should have walked away right then, but being the idiot I was I embraced him and gave him one last kiss. He was clinging to me as I tried to turn away.

  “Gracie,” he whispered, “do not do this.”

  “I’m sorry Evan, this is goodbye and if you really feel anything for me you will let me go,” as I pull away from him.

  My body was shaking as I walked back to my car, I don’t know if it was from my nerves or my withdrawals. I slid into my car and buried my head into the steering wheel and let go the river of tears I was holding.

  Then Evan was pounding on my window screaming, “Gracie please give me a chance. Please!” Not giving him a second glance I left and hoped I had made the right choice. I could barely swallow my pill I was crying so hard. I don’t know how I made it home, I a
m I supposed to work tonight. Memories of the past two years continued to flood my brain and my heart.

  Chapter Five

  Free for the moment….

  Oh God I still need to talk to Jaxson and Jocelyn has left me five voice mails. After my dope kicked in, I felt a little better and tried to eat but I am so sick to my stomach. I decided to talk to Jojo cat, maybe hearing about her night would cheer me up. I also wanted her take on the whole Jaxson situation. I don’t think her cell got half a ring out before she was answering.

  “OMG what is going on? I need details. How did you end up with Jaxson Hayes?” she squealed. I relayed our encounter at Masquerade and then last nights, leaving out the mind blowing sex.

  “Wow” she said giggling, “I am blown away by this, you man stealer,” she teased.

  “I wouldn’t go that far, it was one night,” I replied calmly.

  “Well he is one of Nashville’s sexiest men. Wish my life was this interesting,” she says in an odd tone.

  “No you don’t,” I mumbled low enough for her to barely hear me. I could picture her sitting there with a Cheshire grin twirling her wild red hair around her fingers.

  “So tell me about Bradleeeey,” I teased sounding his name out. Jocelyn is my best friend but I don’t want to rehash all the ugliness of my day. As far as she knows, I haven’t seen Evan in months.

  The mere mention of his name was all it took, and she began to ramble about how amazing Bradley was and she was glad she was rid of that old asshole Robert. She said would have someone bring her by before work to pick up her car.

  Work, another thing to deal with ugh, and I need to go shopping tomorrow, but all I want is to crawl in a hole. You would think I would be happy. I let go of Evan but there was still a part of me that loved him, even if he was an undeserving bastard. He tore my heart out and swallowed it whole. I don’t know if I will ever fully recover.