Beautiful Strangers (The Masquerade Series) Page 9

  I take a washcloth and wet it, and slide down to the floor. I am having a full blown panic attack. I think I am going to vomit. I empty my guts into the commode and turn to see Jax standing in the doorway staring at me with worry spread across his face.

  “Are you okay Grace? Do I need to call a doctor?”

  “Please just get out of here; I don’t want you to see me like this!” I can’t hold back my tears. I am so angry and embarrassed. He tries to come further into the bathroom.

  “Just don’t. I need a minute Jax, please!”

  “If you are sure you’re alright?” I nod and he leaves giving me some much need privacy.

  I quickly wash my face and start gathering my things. I need to get out of here before he demands answers that I’m not prepared to give.

  “I hate to rush off, but I promised I’d meet Jojo for lunch.” I start out the door, but he catches my elbow.

  “First you scare the shit out of me, then you freak out, and now you are just going to take off?”

  “I know we need to talk Jax, and we will soon just not right now. I’m sorry but I have to go.” He lets go of my arm and I get the hell out of there as fast I can. I feel more nervous than a whore in church.

  I’m shaking, and sicker than I have ever felt. I take a stomach pill and text Jocelyn to let her know that we need to reschedule our lunch date. I go home and crawl in my own bed. I know what I have to do. I am going to tell Jaxson the truth, all of it.

  But before I do, I want one more night in his arms feeling that spark that flickers between us one last time before I blow the flame out.

  Truth….

  The longer I put our talk off, the harder it’s going to be. I get out of bed and do something I should have done so long ago; I flush the last of my dope down the toilet. If only I could flush my feelings for Evan away so easily. I still wonder if any of his smiles were ever true, or when he looked into my eyes if it was all fake for him.

  Shifting my thoughts back to Jaxson when he looks in my eyes I can feel the truth radiating back at me through those electric blues, and that’s what makes giving him up so hard. I know when he gets on his plane for LA I won’t be sitting next to him and he will be relieved.

  Maybe him and Sadie will find their way back, I’m not so bitter that I don’t want him to be happy. As much as I wish it was me I think somehow I’ve known all along that we would end and I will be alone. Love never lasts it always fades, and before I am burned again I will let Jax and Evan go.

  There is a knock at my door and wouldn’t you know princess Sadie has come back for another visit. I hope she doesn’t plan on making these little visits a habit.

  “Jax told me about your little incident this morning. You’re not pregnant are you?”

  “What? NO!”

  “I told you before Jaxson belongs with me. Don’t think for one damn minute that you will join us on tour.”

  I hold my palms out to her. “Sadie you can stop right there, let me make a few things clear right now. I care enough for Jax that I will let him go so you can stop with your tantrum.”

  She gives me a confused smirk and I continue.

  “I haven’t the slightest intention on going on tour with him, I will end this. I won’t be responsible for the downfall of his career. But I will do it my own way without any interference from you. By this time next week I assure you, Jax will be all yours.” She stands to leave.

  “You’re smarter than you look Grace, you may love him but I am what’s best for him. Deep down he knows that, the contract isn’t binding he could have gotten out of it at anytime. That’s how I know he will come back to me, then again he really never left did he?” she laughs. Sadie lets herself out. I was too stunned by what she just revealed to form a coherent thought.

  She must be lying.

  Jax said his lawyers has been tirelessly working to find a loop hole that would let him out of the contract he entered into with her. I feel like I was just punched in the stomach. How could he tell her about my getting sick this morning?

  I tell myself just get through the next week. What is it going to hurt to enjoy the last of the time we have together soon he will be on tour.

  I need a long hot bubble bath and some cherry Garcia. I text Jax and let him know that I am okay, and I will call him tomorrow. I listen to my voice mail while pigging out on my ice cream, there is a message from Jojo telling me she has quit her job at Masquerade. She doesn’t go into detail; just that I won’t be seeing her for a little while. She and Robert have a lot to sort out now that he has filed for divorce.

  I know she has a lot going on but quitting her job and shutting me out, just isn’t like her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Goodbye You….

  I close everyone out for three days. I didn’t have it in me to face anyone just yet. Lets be honest, there wasn’t anyone who wanted to see me either. I have gotten a lot of packing accomplished, it’s not like the rehab will allow much. I have done some serious soul searching over the past few days, and tomorrow I will face Jaxson Hayes and set my truths free.

  My day of reckoning has arrived, I take my time showering and getting dolled up. This will be my last night with Jax and I want to enjoy our spark one last time, I need something to look back on.

  My chest hurts, and the demon whispers one name in my ear, Evan. I’m not falling into old habits, at least not today. I don’t know how to feel or what to believe anymore. I am not made for this. I just need to hold it together just for tonight. I want to feel Jaxson’s touch once more before I end this. One more week and I can kiss this life goodbye.

  I drive around in circles trying to clear my head and get it together before I see Jax. I don’t want him to see me fall apart just yet. I need one last night before he gives me the look I’ve been dreading. The look I have hoped I would never see coming from him, the look of disgust I wear every time I think of what Evan done to me, and what I have done to myself.

  I need to see those blue eyes shine once more. I pull into Jax’s driveway and push the dread aside and feel one thing, my hunger for his touch.

  Jax is waiting at the door for me. “Hello lover I have missed you.” He says greeting me with a tender kiss.

  “I have missed you too Jax.”

  “We will talk but first.” He begins removing my shirt, and his pants.

  We don’t waist any time as he leads me straight to his bedroom leaving a trail of clothing up the stairs. We barely made it up the stairs before I had my legs wrapped around his waist and he pushed my back against the wall just inside the door way of his bedroom. His lips are crushing mine. His kisses are so insistent I wonder if he too realizes this is it, our last night.

  “Damn Gracie I’ve missed the way you taste.” He whispers in my ear.

  He throws me on the bed and begins assaulting my wet core with his tongue, and with that I lose myself in him completely. His pace slows and he savors ever drop as my sex thrust forward allowing him to taste all of me as I find my release. He wipes his mouth against my thigh and I pull him to my mouth by his hair. I will miss running my fingers through this messy black hair.

  “Look at me lover; I want to see your eyes.” I look into his electric blue eyes and I know he really loves me and I have to break his gaze before my own eyes give me away.

  He gradually dips the tip of his erection into me, as he begins finding his pace circling his hips slow then he pauses and enters me fully taking me hard and deep. Our bodies shudder against one another as we climax together. He collapse beside me on the bed and traces my cheek with his tongue, licking my sweat, causing me to blush.

  We lay there side by side facing one another; the only sound is our breathing; for what seems like an eternity we just lay there studying the contours of one another’s faces.

  “Shower with me.” He says pulling me out of bed.

  Not much washing went on. When Jaxson started washing my back he let me know just what he had in mind when I felt his erection pressi
ng into my backside. We went at it again in the shower. My face was pressed against the tiles of the shower wall, the water spraying over my face hiding the few tears that escaped when I realized this would probably be the last time I would be with him. I collected my clothes from the stairs and dressed hastily.

  I convinced Jax it would be better if we stayed in for dinner, though I wasn’t going to be able to eat. We ordered a pizza and settled into his media room for a movie. We watched one of his favorites “Viva Las Vegas” an Elvis classic. I must have fallen asleep sometime during the movie because I awoke much later in bed with him planting small kisses on my belly.

  I pushed him onto his back, and tickled each of his pecks with my tongue. I kissed my way down his stomach and took the head of his swelling cock into my mouth mischievously licking the length of him.

  “Gracie” he growled “I want to fuck your mouth.” I wouldn’t deny him this request. I get down in the floor on my knees and push him in my mouth digging my nails into that perfect ass. He grabs my hair with both fists, guiding me into the rhythm he craves.

  I feel a few warm drops trickle down my throat. He pulls out of my mouth in a rush and curves me over the bed; he spreads my legs with his knee and enters me from behind once more. He doesn’t last much longer, and he fills me with all of him and I want him to.

  I try to fall back asleep but my thoughts begin to creep back in. I let Jaxson sleep as I just laid there trying to put together the words that I need to say, but in my head the words all blend together. My fidgeting must have woken him.

  “What’s wrong Grace?” He mumbles.

  “Go back to sleep we can talk in the morning.” I tell him and he begins to snore. I hug myself, I will miss that sound. Finally somewhere between his snoring and my racing thoughts I drift into my own slumber. I awaken the next morning with my head curled in the crook of Jax’s arm and in an embarrassing puddle of drool.

  To add more to my humiliation Jaxson was wide awake and grinning as I roll over to hide my flaming red cheeks and wipe my mouth on the t-shirt I swiped from his closet some time during the night.

  “I’m sorry for slobbering all over you,” I say hiding under a pillow.

  “It’s all right Gracie, I find it quite charming. Almost like a little puppy.” He laughed and I felt the weight shift on the bed as he stood.

  The sight of this gorgeous man stretching naked in the morning was definitely a sight to behold. The sunlight streaming through the French doors seemed to bounce off every muscle as he worked out the crick in his neck. He caught me staring at him and thrust his hips forward, bouncing his length towards me.

  “See something you like lover?”

  I burst out in an uncontrollable laughter.

  “Gracie did you just snort? Glad you find my moves so entertaining.” He hopped back into bed and pinned me down and began kissing me down my neck and raised my shirt to begin attacking my breast, when my stomach grumbled.

  I pushed my shirt down and assured Jax that as much as I would love to keep him naked all day I needed food and a shower first. If I would have been smart I would have left him a note in the middle of the night but I didn’t have the nerve. I owe him this face to face and after the night we just shared it was going to be that much harder.

  Jax sighed and gave in on one condition that I was only getting out of bed if he could join me in the shower.

  “Darlin, if you come on tour with me we could spend every morning like this together.” He said running his fingers over the outlines of my angel wings. When I didn’t answer he turned me to face him and this time the water wasn’t able to hide my tears.

  “What is it Gracie?” he asked. I tried to turn my head from him, I didn’t want to look him in the eyes if I do I just may lose it completely. But he grabbed my chin firmly and demanded I open my eyes when I closed them.

  “Look at me Grace!” I turn off the water and step out of the shower and tell him to meet me downstairs.

  Lover no more…

  I meet Jax in the kitchen and find him cursing the toaster as he waits on a pop tart.

  “Breakfast of champions,” he waves an empty wrapper at me. “You hungry, I’d offer to cook you something but I like my stove.” He chuckled.

  “I’m good. Jax, we need to talk.”

  His face turns serious and he grabs a seat at the bar and begins picking the crusty edges away from his pop tarts. I try to control my nerves, my heart is about to hammer out of my chest.

  “There is a lot about me that you don’t know, and I am flattered you asked me to go on the road with you, I really am.” I say holding my palms up to stop him from interrupting me, before I lose my nerve.

  “As wonderful as that all sounds, you won’t feel that way when I tell you what I should have told you weeks ago. I- I have a drug problem. I’ve been trying to get it under control but it’s bigger than I can handle.” I take a deep breath and continue.

  “The guy that was with me the other night, he was my supplier and my ex boyfriend.” I begin to fidget and lose my nerve to go any further, but Jax is sitting there staring at me like he is waiting for me to elaborate further.

  “I uh umm, my drug of choice is speed, cocaine or diet pills whichever I can get my hands on. I began using over a year ago; Evan introduced me to it, but that’s not an excuse. I didn’t say no. Things got out of control I have traded my self for drugs.” I ramble on telling him everything about Evan, his betrayals, my using my body against him to get what I wanted from him. How Evan used me to get at my father.

  He sat there unmoving almost like a statue his expression never changing until I stopped speaking. His handsome face now devoid of all the laughter and smiles it wore earlier. He now cast that look at me, the look I knew was coming; the look of disgust. A few minutes pass and he says nothing, I had expected the look but not pure silence. I began to walk past him taking my purse from the counter, when he grabbed my wrist and without looking at me he finally spoke.

  “Have you been fucking him the whole time?” he asked through clenched teeth.

  “No, but I was with him a few weeks ago. But you and I weren’t serious.” I begin to cry.

  Damn it Grace, just do it, walk away now.

  Make it easier on both of you. But my feet aren’t cooperating.

  “When was the last time you used Grace?”

  “Just a few days ago.” I sob.

  “I have shared so much of myself with you, and you wait until now to tell me this shit? I have been upfront with you. Fuck, Grace I think I could have fallen for you. But now I don’t know. This is a lot to just dump on someone. I can’t be with you right now. I can’t deal with this I am leaving in a few months and launching my solo career.” He pounded his fist down at the counter.

  “Then let me make it easy on you. Goodbye Jax,” I whisper. I step out of his reach, and head for the door. I almost expected him to follow me but he didn’t. I had just dropped a bomb in his lap. It’s what I wanted but damn if it didn’t hurt like hell.

  I make it home and spend the next two days in bed. Reggie calls and asks if I am ready to return to work. I wanted to say no but this was going to be my last night and if I stayed in this apartment any longer I will go insane. Besides Ritchie spent a lot of money advertising the Halloween Bash and it is my Birthday after all.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Happy Halloween!

  Jaxson hasn’t bothered to call me nor have I him. When I get to work it seems like it has been months and not a week since I have been here last. Masquerade looked more like a haunted house than a peep show. I kept expecting Jocelyn to rush up to me at any moment and giggle over the costume I had picked out for her. She was supposed to be Little Red Riding Hood, and she would have looked beautiful.

  There were ghost and scary monster statues at every turn and cobwebs draped from every rafter. The servers were all already dressed in their genie and belly dancer costumes. The other girls were dressed as nurses, devils, cops, angels and zombies. M
y costume was completely different than everyone else’s. I dressed in what would have been a tight fitting red baby doll dress, but after the weight I have lost, Reggie had to take it in. I pulled my white thigh highs up and slipped into my Mary Janes.

  Reggie put my hair into two low hanging piggy tails with loose curls at the ends. She did an amazing job on my make-up; I looked exactly like a porcelain doll with cracks in its face. Ritchie called me into his office and gave me a slight pat on the back.

  “Are you holding up okay?”

  “As good as I can be. I just haven’t felt like myself.”

  “Well I am glad to have you back at work. The club hasn’t been the same without you.”

  I confess to my boss about my problem, and let him know that I will be checking into rehab once there is a room available for me. Ritchie tells me to take care of myself and that my spot will still be here if I want it once I am sober.

  What will be, will be?

  The time came for my performance and my costume and song were very fitting to how I was feeling. I felt like I have been broken into pieces and when “Living Dead Girl” by “Rob Zombie” began to play, I had to laugh to myself that was exactly how I felt.

  I drank more than I should have but it was Halloween and my Birthday, not like Ritchie would really fire me. I was walking to my car when I noticed an all too familiar face waiting for me. Evan. I sigh. I hadn’t planned on seeing him again, but I was drunk and in need of a good time.

  Oh what the hell, I tell myself.

  “Get in!” I snap at him.

  “No offence Grace but you smell like a walking liquor cabinet. Let me drive you.” He jerks the keys out of my hands. I don’t argue. I have had a lot to drink. Damn! Evan looks good tonight and the recognizable smell of his Cool Water cologne is so inviting, I think to myself as I strum my fingers up his arm.